I smile politely at you, you stare politely right on through

I've got a chance to do it twice this week!! Update bloggie i mean. So, I've turned 17 this week.. and boy what a great week it has been. Seriously, God, when you read this I want to say a big thank you for placing me here in Methodist College. I'd rather be nowhere else.

On Monday late night, I was watching Hamlet with Pj on lappie. When clock struck 12...I got birthday messages from those precious ones. :) So moving. And thinking about it now glad that I got to spend yet another year being older with Pj though all we've been through last year.In college on Tuesday was pretty cool too. Regina sang me the birthday song, on the top of her lungs from the other side of the corridor. Completely embarrassed herself (and Regina if you read this, (I KNOW YOU WILL), it was well worth it). Then Cf had a meeting. Just before the meeting started Rachel announced it was my birthday. Then Alithea came marching in with a slice of cake with a cute little candle on it. Blew the candle, then Chip and David redecorated my face with the cake. Then at night pula went out dinner with Chelle, Zoo and Pj. Eat until can explode man.

The beautiful cake of Cf after being smashed on my beautiful face :)

Then Wednesday came, like any other day. After Maths had one hour free period. So I went to the library...then suddenly Ian and Jon came to me.

Ian:Eh, CJ, Shasha and Kesh are fighting downstairs!!

Me:What.....Where??

Ian:In the canteen,I just got a phone call. Let's go, fast!

Me: Dude, I think we should just leave them alone

Ian:No, lets go down, I'm going now

So, due to the overwhelming pressure I followed... when I reached the canteen....pretty much everyone from Gamma was there...suddenly Happy Birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday to CJ, happy birthday to you. I was stunned to the bone, heart still beating fast in worry of watching Shasha beating Kesh up. But................. Can cry man. So touched. Effort was made. Screw ups like me don't expect efforts to be made. The cake was super yummy. Managed to feed everyone and more. And obviously, Jas had to redecorate my face AGAIN with the cake!

After the surprise, lala-giler posers!!

I'm chatting with my cousin Nick now. Miss that guy la. He too just turned a year older. My mom and Dad too. Jeremiah September Babies. Ooooh yea!! Cf sleepover tomorrow. I'm exited.

Clumsy me broke a couple of eggs and didn't know how to clean in....so i took pictures and asked Jas how to clean it instead!!

He continues to keep me close to Him. When i stumble, He catches me. When I wouldn't listen He'll come knocking. I'm still in awe. I love him cause He first loved the pain I was.

You stood before my failure
Carried the Cross for my shame
My sin weighed upon Your shoulders
My soul now to stand

That's all I've got to say now. Love you guys la... Love LOVE LOVE LOVE. =)

Some of the gifts I got. A poem on the awesomeness of creation, a chain that screams unique, a bracelet that clings close to me.

Anora's work of art. It's called "The Statue Of Liberty Reaching Out"

Today is a week since my last post. I went home yesterday, expecting her to come running at me, barking madly, craving for a belly rub....instead this is what i saw.

See, she just got spayed. ARGH! My dad sent her to the vet on Tuesday apparently. And i didn't know till yesterday. I mean seriously.... why spay a domesticated dog??? It's really very pissing off to see Blackie so sick and in pain. She can't even stand properly. And not to mention that really ugly stitch by her side where her ONCE FUNCTIONAL organs were. SAD SAD.

Ok, now that I'm done ranting to bloggie I feel much better. Ooooh and I found out that Blackie is actually around 4 years old from the Vet. Kinda old huh but another good 10 years to be spent with her.

So. the happenings this week. Daniel left for Scotland to study Medicine. He spent his last few days in Malaysia in here with his dad. And on Wednesday, when he had to leave it was just dreadful. I could see a tear in his eye as well. He left me a gift in my room. Mannn....Daniel knew me like a brother would. Staying in the same apartment with him for 6 months was good. He's a little insane (throwing water balloons filled with concentrated ammonia from the 15 floor) but boy was he hard working. He got a JPA and Shell scholarship. Rejected both. haha. I bet he's having fun in Aberdeen now...he told me he already has a friend there. A pretty girl from Manchester. Good for him. :) Cant wait to see him as a doctor. He'll probably discover a way to cure AIDS or smtg. Prusho left for the UK as well....but for Kent. Actuarial Science. I remember that many looked down on him saying he'd never make the grades. TO THOSE PEOPLE: His flight was 9 pm last night.

Another thing this week, Reena's party. It was pretty fun. The girls were actually pretty good at planning especially for such a short period notice. One of the girls sang her a song. It could move anyone to tears. ooh and there was this really big cake one of her friends surprised her with. It was a huge number 18 shaped cake. And it was yummy. Jo came back for the party, it was nice catching up with her. She hasn't changed a bit. =)

Cf new committee came in this week as well. Now we have Kah Yun, Jessica, Elizabeth, Steven and Zoo on the committee. Cant wait for sleep over this weekend. Regina and Wen Shan retired. IT'S SO SAD. And besides I have not gotten back at Regina. Miss Melalyn shared for the last CF. She reminds me of Annete from D'NA in a lot of ways. Makes us think on the way we look at things.

(Guess which one I live at?)

That's all for now.

So when hard times have found you
And your fears surround you
Wrap my love around you, You’re never alone.

Deciphering Me

I have this thing about blogging twice on the same day. I guess every1 does. But I can't sleeeeeeeeeep.... so besides chatting to those faithful people constantly on-9 on Windows Live here I am again.




Today I met Kingsley, he used to be the band drummer. And he told me I seem so different now, as in a very quiet aura with me. People have been saying that to me lately. I'm not some emo-case.Seriously I AM NOT. Lol...Joanna even gave me a letter saying "I know you've been feeling down since Caryn and Jo left but things will be better soon". HAHAHA..... Seriously la...nothings up.

I was chatting with Ruban today.....I remember him telling me that once upon a time I was so full of life, fat kid, jumping around on school tables and chairs and dropping them in the process. OOH AND I'VE GOT A DIRTY SECRET ABOUT RUBAN. He's not a DIE HARD BN SUPPORTER. tsk tsk. And his dad is a member of parliament. and and and i gotta speak to Ashy today. Fool just broke up. Messed up waste.Dennis is in KL now but havent met up yet. Pj and I were talking about meeting him. I miss those guys la. A lot. A LOT. A LOT.

Screamo Boy

Ok...I've just filled my blog with unnecessary information. And I'm still not sleepy. I've got a crave to watch Harry Potter now. LOL. So TO THE CD RACK!..toodles.

Ish...what a player....

Grains of Sand...

Sunset.

Yea!! I've figured out how to use a little more of blogger. Funk'ed it up a little. Caryn showed me how. *3 cheers for cow-girl*. So since I came back, I've noticed one thing around here--The beach is shrinking!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Seriously man, the smart developers are reclaiming the sea now. AND at a very fast pace. I remember at one time the community around the area planned for a protest. In the end, like 10 people turned up. Not much of a protest huh. It still made it to the newspapers though, the 16th page or something
Blackie is such a poser!
ACTUALLY, I DO NOT have the right to be complaining now...cause I myself am living on reclaimed land. Still, its not like my complaining is gonna stop the work. So, I was walking by the beach yesterday evening with Blackie and took some time to appreciate it while it's still there. Who knows what may happen to it the next time I come back.I took some pictures... Something I should have done a long time ago. Been living here for 10 years now, and its the first time I'm taking pictures. Talk about appreciation.
Politicians would do their campaigning anywhere! Even on a tree by the coastline.

Living here, by the beach has it's ups but BUT it's downs too. For instance, everyone who lives around here are senior. VERY SENIOR. Most of them are retired....so they don't go to work. Just stay at home all day, gardening, hanging at the beach, play with their dogs, have tea. Why is that a problem to me...WELL cause that means I've got not many people, MY AGE to hang out with. Cause everyone here who has kids, their kids are probably around 30 already. And...the city is not easy to get to if you cant drive. Unlike KL, where I could hop on the million type of rails to get to a million malls. Unless, of course I was rich enough to buy a boat and use the sea to get where I want. Haha...anyway enjoy the pictures...Yup, some people around here actually have boats. In the distance is an island. No one lives there now, wanna go there some day. An island to myself!! Sexy.
The horizon. And THE WORKS OF THE BAD ONES RECLAIMING THE SEA :(
This tree is all over the beach..I've no Idea what it's called but its seeds look like Little DURIANS. Pretty Awesome.
HAHA...the picture speaks for itself. But if the buaya is hungry...i doubt it "tidak akan bertindak ganas"
BABY BUAYA!!!!! yea rite...those are Mud Skippers.Impossible to catch .
Since boats have number plates, I wonder whether they get summoned if they park on a yellow line.
Horses running wild around. That mom horse kept staring at me. Dont worry...I'm not a horse-eater!
Cowboys! The one on the left is a pony btw. She found a fish. Dead one. Almost ate it. eww
Water, earth, sky,Fire.

Consuming Fire

Alithea snoring thanks to the olympics.

So suppose to update bloggie a week ago….but this and that came up. It’s the holidays now (just a week long break) and I’m back in Malacca. It’s funny how when ever I’m in KL I’d crave home, the beach, TV and the Internet. And when I’m back here I’d crave the frens, food, freedom in KL. Seriously, humans were born with a hole in their hearts. Unnecessary greeds and cravings. Tsk tsk.

Me like today’s date, 09-09-08. I’m still very much a noob with blogspot. This is my 5th post!!! Bangga betul sial…. Longest I’ve gone so far. Oh, and according to Regina, almost everyone in college has a blog. I’m so kuno man. So the big events since last post, Rayna’s surprise party, Ian’s “surprise” party and of course ………… drum roll please CF CAMP ’08!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh……. Awesome man. Awesome awesome awesome awesome. Sorry can’t contain it. I’m yet to get the pictures from camp, think I can only get it when school starts. Oops I mean when COLLEGE starts. Anyway, make sure you come back to read that post. Awesome stories to tell.
God moves, He’s so real, He’s Faithful, He can move mountains.

I just watched Oprah this morning (big fan of Oprah..no matter what you may say about that), today’s episode was about a bunch of depressed woman, who feel empty inside. And through the show they were like crying, they were angry and unsatisfied and they were not sure why. And as I watched them, I just wished I could reach in the TV and talk to them. Cause, I’ve been there, and boy have I been there BAD.

I’m glad that I’ve changed, and this time not for a person, not even for myself. God plans all our lives, whether you believe in him or not. Often we screw up and rebel. And that’s exactly what I did. Looking back now, all I can do is be in awe in the way He’s worked in my life. The last 2 months of my life has been great, I feel more purposeful now.
J&J
The way the Lord has put me in Methodist College and meeting all this people is just great. The CF Committee definitely has a large roll to play. I remember, some time in February when David came to me and asked me whether I’d like to be in the committee, as the Chapel worship coordinator, I heartily agreed. Not knowing what I was in for. At first I hardly knew anyone in the committee except Caryn and Chee Yip. The other worship coordinator was Melanie, and I was like “Great, I’ve got to work with a 10A bimbo”. Gosh never knew how wrong I was. I seriously had prejudice issues. I was dreading the first committee sleep over. But was it great or what?? Bonds were formed, especially with the seniors, Regina, Alithea, David, Wen Shan, and the Super seniors- Wee Kiat and Benjamin. They were really cool. Way more to them than what meets the eye. I slept in the student lounge that night….MOSQUITOES BY THE MILLIONS!!! And the next morning I woke up with the terrible cramp and David did something to my leg and it was gone. That day I learned how to stop a cramp. Very useful. Guess who's hand is Regina holding? ;)

That time, life didn’t change for me though I was in the committee. Of course I did my work, attended meetings regularly, made sure chapel every morning ran smoothly, even led worship a couple of times. BUT, the big question was…. Did I live life God’s way?? As much as I tried to hide it, sadly I wasn’t. And some people knew. I can still recollect when I would do something nasty and Chip would say “Calvin, ur in the CF committee, set an example” with a smile. But that was enough said, chip was being honest. I was spoiling the name of the CF. I knew that for a fact, but continued my screwed up life. I can’t state here THE THINGS I DID. Cause I just cant, and am so very regretful of it. I wasn’t only spoiling my life in doing this wrongs, but spoiling the value of life of others. But I just couldn’t stop, and soon I just felt very depressed. Life seemed "un-purposeful".I felt so empty.I filled that hole in my heart with every junk I could think of, to some people I was living “The Life” but honestly was I even living Life? Little Chip fast asleep in a very weird position-Candid

We had yet another CF Committee sleepover this semester. And that’s where THINGS HAPPENED. Before the meeting started, all of us were just talking… sharing about that day. Then this person in the committee started sharing, I can’t name this person so I’ll call this person Milo. Pure randomness in the names, bare with me. Milo was saying how he was trying to live God’s way but doesn’t feel like he is.Then this other person whom I will call Twelve started sharing about his family. On how hard it is to even go to church because his parents are very Anti-Christians. Then a third person, broke into tears and said how he feels he isn’t good enough. Milo too didn’t feel good enough. And honestly speaking, I felt, all three Milo, Twelve and the third person had a heart for God. And there they were feeling that they weren’t doing enough. And Twelve had an unshakeable faith through all the hardships he’s going through. And there I was listening to all three of them. I felt angry cause, I wasn’t suppose to be at that meeting, cause I’m not like this people. My heart does not seek after God’s heart. I felt like crap too cause there I was, with supportive God-loving parents and I didn’t appreciate it. And that was the day when I decided to just stop doing all the nasty nasty things. Then maybe I’d have a worth in the committee.

A week from that day, I gave my heart to God. He has been stirring it up in my heart all the while. It was the end of July. I had so much joy in me. And I remember, on that Sunday, I went to the Holy Trinity church in Jalan Gasing, and just so happened the sermon was about trusting God, though you don’t know what his plans are for you. Jeremiah 33:3: Call unto me and I will show you great and mighty things which you know not of. That’s our family verse, and it shows God’s father figure. If we just take that step of faith, and surrender our burdens and talents to Him, He’ll take over from there. Here’s a very popular verse that steals my heart. Jeremiah 29:11:” For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” I’m not saying life would be so much easier when you live it God’s way. Of course the evil one would not want you to keep living life God’s way and will try to bring you down in every way. But BuT BUT GOD IS FAITHFUL!!! He’s there to pick you up when you fall. All you gotta do is seek Him. Ok I’m being super long winded…. What I’m trying to say here is, God gave salvation to this screw up-ME. He’s knocking on your door too, learn to surrender,seriously what are you going to loose?. I have found grace. And God has been helping me since, blessing me with this precious people in the committee I really want to thank…


David Dell- First things first, In spite of all the teases I give you, I respect your authority as the President, sorry for being a pain. I’ve always looked up to your sincerity in doing His will. Love your patience man (that’s why I enjoy testing it)

Regina-It was nice to bond with you in camp. Never knew you liked playing City Blocks on your phone in the toilet. ;) Thanks for being a mentor and thanks for teaching me prayer.

Alithea- I didn’t know you were a serious case OCD. Haha…still your creativeness is beyond compare. Art for God =)

Wen Shan- Your words in meetings really make us think and question. Gives us a different point of view on things.

Chip- The small guy with a Big heart for God. Thank you for all that helping out with worship. Ur awesome to talk to and work with.

Caryn Cow- ah. My first friend in college. Thank you for keeping an eye out for me in class and meetings. Though you have left us to be with the Americans =( we miss you here. Thanks for the company, Really.

Rachel- Honestly, I’ve always feared you. But you being stern in meeting really helped a lot…Glad to have you as our new vice!

Mel bell- My “not-so-bimbo” worship coordinator. A heart full of appreciations for the words and listening ear. And it was nice to see you walking like a drunkard during sleep over. We had our laughs. =) You’ve been such a thoughtful friend who never fails to charm me.

Wen Jo- Yes our little one…always so questioning. Your strong faith, it’s been consoling.

Li Sia- Sad that you too had to leave. But behind you quiet personality; it was nice to see a person with desire to know God more.

So I’ll stop this really long post here. Congrats to you if you made it till here!! *Standing Ovation*

And to My Heavenly Father- A thousand times I’ve failed, still your mercy remains. Should I stumble again, I am caught in your grace. Everlasting, your light will shine when all else fades. Thank you Abba.